on Monday I'm admitted to being an eating disorder clinic. I'm so scared about it I'm willing to end it as opposed to going

funny thing is it's voluntary. sometimes I feel like it will be good for me. but I can't handle it. I'm barely alive as is. it's a wonder my body hasn't failed me yet. it wouldn't be much of a burden. my friends say they care but at the end of the day they'd move on. everyone would. I'm not a remarkable person. not one that would make much of a difference. I was just let out of the psych hospital and I wasn't trusted to handle my own meds but now i have to and I could pretty easily end it. it's just a matter of when I get the balls. I see my grandpa tomorrow and then I'm pretty much done I think