Feeling very anxious..

So I have identified as Non-binary and masc leaning since my teens, came out later in my teens and my family was mostly understanding. Well, one younger sibling- the youngest, and my mom.

Probably about 5 - 7 years ago it started to very much click that I am trans and struggle with a lot of dysphoria & wanted to go on T. In retrospect it was so fucking obvious- it is wild how much time it can take to realize things about yourself- especially growing up in a stressful environment where a lot of my focus went into being an anxious ball of attempting to do a LOT or expected to do a LOT for my siblings and mom at times. Regularly. Fast forward to now ((in my 20s)) and I am a little under a month on T, with my pronouns very much being he/him. Again, family way mostly supportive… Mostly same situation, with my youngest sibling and mom being pretty awesome about it.

I feel like I am working towards being comfy in my body and I have massive hopes for just a less uncomfy future- years down the line, but still. It’s amazing.

But over the last few weeks I came to realizations over my name and feelings I had there and I.. it just doesn’t feel like me. I was named after a female relative that meant a lot to my mom, I never got to meet her- she died before I was even a thought, but I grew up with my mom talking about how wonderful she was and that she knew she had to name her first little girl after her.

I am a parentified, anxious guy who is also definitely on the spectrum.

And within the last few weeks to month I have been looking into different names I kinda wanna play around with and found one that really does feel so much more me.

But I am kinda terrified to tell family, especially my mom. She’s pretty supportive, but I feel like she’ll be kinda she’ll shocked and upset because I haven’t shown any outward discomfort over it. I never wanted to start drama but it really is an annoying daily thing now.

Any words of wisdom or encouragement for a very anxious dude is super helpful.