Will taking FMLA/Short Term Disability ruin my life?

I’m terrified. I’m in a work situation that has me in a state of constant anxiety. I honestly don’t want to get into specifics or details. After a nasty experience in my role for 1.5 years, I’m on meds and don’t even realize when I’m having a panic attack anymore because my baseline is so elevated.

I don’t feel my performance meets my own standards. No one has told me I’m not performing well enough, but I feel it.

The thought of going on FMLA and possibly STD has me in a separate panic because that just feels like the end of my career. Will everyone assume I’ve gone nuts or cant handle adult life or worse… will they think I’m faking it?

I’m a shell of who I was. Is it worse to take FMLA/short term disability and find a company with real leadership (in this economy is that even possible?) or is it is to just push through and try and find a company as half a human?

I don’t want to just give up on showing up but some days it feels like the only option I have.