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I CUT MY FUCKING ASSHOLE OPEN SHAVING IT BECAUSE I WANTED A NICE, PRETTY, PRESENTABLE HOLE. I'M NOT TALKING LIKE A LITTLE BABY PAPERCUT BUT LIKE, DEEP, HEMORRHAGING SQUIRTING GASH AND NOW 10 HOURS LATER I AM LAYING IN BED WITH THE MOST UNIMAGINABLE THROBBING PAIN YOU CAN IMAGINE EMANATING FROM MY BOYPUCCI LIPS EVERY TIME I GIVE IT A LIL SQUEEZE BUT I NEED TO TAKE A MEGA SHIT NOW AND THIS IS LITERALLY WORSE THAN CHILDBIRTH HELP ME PLEASE